Day #9 South Fork bonfire with Kristin and crew.

It's illegal in many places (now Nevada!) to text and drive. BUT let me say this, Nevada..I AVOIDED a collision by texting. I was only going 15 mph, and came around a corner and met this guy. So there.

The bonfire was fun. I met new people and my guitar came home smelling like burnt wood. AND I saw a deer. But it wasn't a moose (an animal equal to the sasquatch in it's ability to be mysteriously absent in all of my naturial travels..thereby putting it in mythical status). A fact Jared, Kristin's friend, reminded me as I took a picture when we were driving home. Jare-bear..master of the obvious;) I really do want to see a moose, though. It's on my Living List.

Day 4

Zumba! The dance craze sweeping the nation..and yes, I have been caught up in the wave. It's a lot of fun. It's the same concept as aerobics, or jazzercise, or any number of other group dance/cardio class, but my favorite thing is the music. If it's got good music, I'll go to the class. (Yoga exempt..I like calm Yoga classes). The teacher is tall and blond and probably my age, maybe a little older. She screams 'athlete'.  I've always envied people who seem so naturally athletically aware. It's taking me years to get to a point where that's even something I thought about consistently. It's funny, though. I always loved being outside when I was little, but I never considered it being 'healthy' or taking care of my body. I just thought it was playing outside. (I was obviously a poster child for 70% of weight loss is what you eat..I played outside a lot, and was still Chubbs McGee) This mind-body connection that is so essential to healthy living was lost on me for a long time. I even loved girls camp and being there..so much so that I actually lost weight when I went up there, when others gained weight because we always had so much to eat. I remember not finishing food sometimes (shocker), I was just so happy to be in trees and mountains, bonding with nature. Since then, I've realized my surroundings are essential to my well being. I love living in beautiful places and surrounded by color. Sometimes Vegas does it for me, but I LOVE oceans and mountains/forest. Both together (Prince Edward Island! Washington/Oregon! Maine!) are ideal. Soo..after all of that... yes, I went to Zumba today.

Today was also a 'Relief Society Meeting' (gotta love the new terms) on Food Storage. The teacher was really into it and had a lot of good info. I left wanting to for sure put together officially the 72 hour kit in my car and start thinking of ways to put my 3 month supply together. It's hard, though, when you are single and live in someone else's house, or live in an apartment, or plan on moving. I know it will come in handy, though, and more and more frequently we're receiving counsel from church leaders to get it together. Ironically, though food storage is one of the 'peculiar' things about LDS culture, and one of the things we're known for, only about 15% of homes actually have adequate food storage. Pretty interesting, huh? Since this month's VT message was on Self-Reliance, it was a good addition to something I'd already been thinking about. I love being able to do things my self (but paying someone else to do it if I don't want to), so this was another challenge to take on. I can't eat a ton of processed foods without having it affect me, though, so I've been putting together a pretty good list of things I could eat without it being too much junk food, etc., but still liking it.

After that, MJ (who was so kind to invite me)and I went to a movie night at some guy's house (who's name I've already forgotten, unfortunately). We watched "Stranger Than Fiction". It's one of my favorites, and it's one of my favorite Will Farrell movies (there are so few I like). It's a really good story, so clever and so well acted, and there are so many clever elements I caught this time that I hadn't before..like Ana Pascal's bakery is called 'The Uprising' and she turns the pink boxes inside out so that it's brown on the outside and pink on the inside. So rebellious.  There are so many fabulous moments in the film, but this is one of the 'sweetest'. I want someone to bring me flours.

Day 3

Monday began bright and early and I dinked around for a while and then finally got my rooms finished. I also worked out in my spare room-did you read that, Julie? (my trainer) . I was pretty pleased with my results since I haven't had to come up with my own strength training routine ever. That's what machines and personal trainers are for, right?

There's an audition for a community theater production of the musical "Aida" on Thursday and Friday. It would be so fun to be part of a show again. I love performing, and the process as well. The people I meet, and creating a book of words and notes into art. It's a lot of fun. Hopefully, I make it. My go to auditon song is "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", but since this musical is more modern, and the music is more pop influenced (Elton John and all..), I decided I needed a piece that reflected that. I chose Jason Robert Brown's 'I'm Not Afraid of Anything' from Songs For (or is it From?) a New World. It sounds great in my voice, and I can do a lot with it performance wise, as well as the different dramatic elements it contains. It's also not as well known-another plus. So I downloaded the karaoke version from iTunes, downloaded the sheetmusic (which I messed up printing and had to send an email to the company to let me print it again) and went to town. I've got some lungs, so I hope it didn't bother my roommates!

Then, MJ and I went to a Midsingles FHE. It rained right before we went on our hike, so they moved FHE to a girl's house. It was fun to meet some new people and get to know them a little bit. Having people say their first and last names makes it so much easier for me to remember them, so the group complied with my request. (Thanks, guys!).  Odds are pretty good my love connection was not in that room, but then again, you never know;)

Since the rain stopped, we decided to go on the hike anyway. It was a nice introduction to the outdoor culture that seems to permeate Provo. Outdoor activities and being health-concious are an important element I'm gathering. Lots of people outside, running, playing, hiking, frisbee, etc. I wanted to get out more, so I got my wish! (I have to say, though, it wasn't my finest or most fashionable foot forward. I was essentially sweating like a pig by the time we even made it to the trail head.)

Everyone was very friendly, and I liked being outside again. With the mountains so close, and so many parks, it makes it so easy to be outside. In the words of 'Annie', "I think I'm gonna like it here."

Days 1 and 2

I packed my whole car and drove to Utah. Provo. It was all very BYU-esque, and I almost felt like an excited, bubbly college co-ed. Almost.  I thought about why I was coming up here in the first place. Here are some of the things I came up with as I was driving:

• Green
• Mountains- I never get sick of the mountains..especially in the summer.
• Culture-concerts, art museums, interesting and intelligent people (don't hate, Vegas..you just don't have a lot of those things in abundance.)
• The radio stations..my alternative folk/pop/indie heart gets all excited hearing something other than the processed crap on the radio (and I heard plenty of it on the drive up).
• Fry Sauce-It's true, it made me happy.
• Laid Back, Small Town Niceness
• Nice boys (they won't date me, but they'll talk to me)
• New people
• Seeing old friends again
• Being so close to Salt Lake and its many amenities (Temple Square, the Family History Library, Church Art museum (with my girl Minerva Teichert..Love her) and the abundance of amazing restaurants and parks and things to see)
• Cool mountain air

As I was driving, it felt like I was going home. Utah really is a place I can truly be myself. It's ironic in a way because I'm anti-Utah (in the stereotypical LDS culture way ).  Maybe it's because I don't feel like anyone else and know I'll never be like anyone else here, so I quit comparing myself. Which, in essence, makes me unique and AWESOME! The more I talk to people, though, the more unique and awesome they become..so I guess I'm breaking down long-held stereotypes of my own.

In my excitement and my late night driving, long story short, I couldn't find the key in the secret spot and ended up sleeping in my car. I woke up, knocked on the door, and promptly fell asleep  on the couch after I brought all my stuff in. I slept for hours and completely missed church, then I set up  my little rooms that will be my little home for the summer.

Settling in any where new is a little bit exciting and a lot scary. There are so many nuances about moving into someone else's space..almost like a new world to navigate. My roommates, MJ, a darling teacher and Amy, who works at BYU in administration in the Maintenance Department (I think), have been more than welcoming and even cleared an entire wrap around pantry shelf for my food-which knowing me and the way I like to spread out things-was delightful. Amy has an amazing kitchen set-up with anything any one could possibly need or use to make amazing, delicious creations. I covet her knives. My first Sunday here, we all pitched in to make Chicken Divan-a classic Relief Society cook book recipe (proven when we found not one, but two recipes in one of the RS cookbooks on the shelf). I was surprised neither of the the girls had heard of it. We didn't have enough cream of chicken soup, so Amy just whips up a white sauce! It was great. AND she has a rice maker, which is also awesome, because if anyone cannot make rice, it's this girl (me). I have to admit, the casserole tasted a little processed. My taste buds must have changed since the last time I had it, for the better, I think.   It was comfort food-y/Sunday Dinner-y, and gave us an opportunity to chat a little bit. They are really great girls, and I am lucky to have such welcoming roommates.

Moving On

I went through some old boxes today in preparation for my move. It was interesting to look through my growing up through the eyes of an adult. There were so many things I took too seriously, took too lightly, or didn't acknowledge at all. There were items I felt were important enough to keep at the time (a letter to Santa saying I wanted a "Ril (Real) baby doll and a record player"), that I had no idea about their meaning now (the purple paper star). There was so much I had to be proud of. I accomplished a lot in those years. I had characteristics I still recognize in myself today. I spent so much of my time back then wishing my life was something different..something I thought was better. In reality, I ended up wasting a lot of time. I lived my whole life living the adage "If you want to make a friend, you have to be a friend." Lies, I say! I would change it to, "If you want to make a friend, you have to be YOUR friend." The people I love being around are the people I feel the most myself with, and I met them being myself.

Going through my things reminded me of the person I was, and the person I wanted to be: back then, and even now. I was so hard on myself, I let others define who I thought I was, or what I thought they thought I was. In reality, I had talents and fears just like everyone else. I was just like everyone else. My grades weren't amazing, but they were good. My smile was just as vibrant 20 years ago as it is now. I had a sense of humor, I was happy, or so it seemed to others, but not to myself. I was a leader. I was strong then, I am now. I was me, just younger. I wish I could tell that girl that the person she truly wanted to be, ironically, was the person she already was..she just let what she thought were the perceptions of others get in her way. I sacrificed myself in so many ways in the hope that people would like me. I needed to like me, and then others would follow suit.  Not every person has to like me I'm learning, but I'm the one who decides how they treat me. There are people I don't agree with or necessarily like, but I respect them for being who they are. Why wouldn't others do the same for me? This whole healthy self-acceptance is a new world. I wonder how many other people have already figured out this well-kept secret?

Life lessons cycle through until I learn from them..a carousel of experiences waiting to be mine if I choose to reach for the brass ring. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching it spin around in a blur. Other times I'm on it, wishing I had another horse. What would happen if I just sat back and enjoyed the ride, and got on and off when I felt like it..or at least when it stopped and started.  Maybe now and then I watch the carousel spin around once or twice. Now, I think I can handle getting on it. I can get on a horse confidently knowing that someone else's horse isn't better than mine, it's just a different color.